Wednesday, January 13, 2010

You're Neat

Now, let me just start this by saying I am TOTALLY thankful for my friends and all of their help with my dating life. Their thoughtfulness in setting me up with a boy is always greatly appreciated but really just never works out. Before I allow you to see into my most recent date I'd like to point out the CRAZY people I've been in contact with in the past. Please stay with me, I may become winded with this one. :)

1. Crystal Rae set me up with a STALKER. Not even just a stalker....a crazy, "married", plumbing, body builder STALKER. After this okay double date I was thinking I'll never see this guy so sure, you can have my number. I'm just too nice to say no. Anyways, he starts calling me and wanting me to delete his myspace, etc. Come to find out he's still MARRIED!!!! His divorce wasn't finalized. Great. His insistant texting began to drive me crazy. I was thinking dude, do you honestly think I'm going to go out with you again leave me alone. Oh, that just made him mad. I received hateful messages and drunken phone calls accusing me of ridiculous stuff. Needless to say David took care of it and lost a friend(sorry about that), but it was for the best. BUT stupid me....he won the world Duck Calling Championship last year and was featured on the front page of ESPN. How could I have been SO dumb do let that go? :)

2. Next crazy. This was probably my own fault but again....I just get too nice to say no. So I'm selling this bedding stuff and I was at a craft show for this lady. Well I was by this really cute lady and we talked the whole time. At the end of the day she asks if I would be interested in dating someone that just turned 31. That's only 7 years older than reality it's not THAT big of an age difference. She went on to tell me a little bit about him and he seemed nice and she was great so I figured it could be that bad....right? Wrong. I am the nice person so I facebooked him (She wasn't going to give him my information) and told him I met his mom. He already even knew about me. So, we are facebook chatting and kinda messaging back and forth and he wants to meet me at starbucks. It was a long story but we ended up not meeting he was just SO perisistant about it. I tried to get him to change the day and he was like "no let's meet" and I became to frustrated. I have my independant line and you DO NOT cross it or I will straight up write you off. So then he turns in to this annoying person that wants to hang out all the time. Keep in mind this was during Christmas and I'm a busy person so I kept blowing him off.
I should have had red flags with he said gay things like "hugs through the computer screen" and Using the :P sign...but no, I'm stupid. So on Christmas night I get this message that is like "Hey it's Chris from plentyoffish I got your number at some pt hope you had a great Christmas." Now, in my mind I'm thinking what the crap is plentyoffish and second I'm annoyed he used pt instead of spelling out point. So I'm just like yeah...Merry Christmas and he's like "did we ever meet"? NO RETARD!!! I've been blowing you off for two weeks (I didn't say that, too nice) so I'm like No....and he goes "Oh're Poff, how's Nashville?" So now I'm like are you trying to play the cool card and not remember who I At this point I'm like I'm done, you're weird. (Please note this was the readers digest version)
So, the next night I'm laying in bed with my cousin Summer and I'm reading her all of these weird text messages and she's like what is plentyoffish and I'm like I have NO clue and she goes well google it. So I do and any thoughts to what it is?!?! It's definitely an ONLINE DATING WEBSITE. He thought he got my name and number off of an online dating site. What a freaking retard. Needless to say next time he asked me to meet him I (in a nice way) told him that things had changed over the last few weeks and it wouldn't work out for me to meet him. :)

3. Right now this could be the best of all...maybe it's because it's the most recent maybe it's because I was just so like "Who are you?"
Monica has set me up with this guy that she works with. From what she's said he seems nice and Katie met him and said he was nice so I thought I would give him a chance. He called me and went to get coffee and look at Christmas lights. It was an alright time except I noticed he kept saying the word NEAT alot. I'm a pretty confident person and so I thought maybe he was just nervous and so he didn't really know what else to say.
So, I give homeboy another chance. He wanted to go eat at Mama Roja on the lake. It was sweet....he listened when I said I like Mexican food.
Well he comes to get me and I'm just NOT wanting to. It's the National Championship football game, and I just knew I wasn't going to dig him and alot had happened within the week that I just didn't want to go. He comes to the door and while there's nothing wrong with this, it's just not me. He was dressed in pressed jeans, a button up tucked in polo shirt and really ugly shoes. Just too preppy for me. I'm a tshirt and jeans kinda girl.
So we get in his car and it kinda smells like smoke which is turn off number 1.
We don't even make it out of the neighborhood and he's already used that dreaded word NEAT. I loathe that word now. By the time we made it to Mama Rojas he said it 4 was going to be a long dinner. At dinner he ORDERED MY FOOD FOR ME. Excuse neat boy but I'm pretty sure I can order my own enchiladas, thanks. Now, I realize that can be so sweet but in my book that was another independent line that was crossed. The whole dinner bored me to TEARS!!! I was just thinking can we hurry this along so I can watch the football game? The most interesting point in the night was when he told me he knew Natasha....she works at the pool hall he goes to. haha
So, he drives me home and is awkwardly like "Is is bad if I don't walk you to the door" (It was 10degrees outside) but I'm thinking please stay there I cannot be around you for one more second so I literately jump out of the car. Needless to say he asked me to the Thunder game and I turned him down. We'll see if he gets the hint. If not I might have to play bad guy and pull the we should just be friends card.
Now, I'm sure you're dying to know how many times he said the word NEAT?!?!? Any guesses. 10! I was with him for an hour and a half and he said it 10 times and even through in a Neato. What 28 year old man says Neato? I mean come on.

I think all of this to say.... I'm not done with being set up on dates.

Good things come to those who wait, right? :)


  1. Alright. I laughed so hard reading this blog that I had to stop a few times. If I meet someone nice, and I think he passes the independent checklist, I'll THINK about setting you up. But, I do have to say that I LOVE hearing these stories and am glad you have them to share! :) I hope you randomly find a guy and it's because you accidently run into him in a restaurant, hit his car at a light, or because he saves your life at some point, etc. Wouldn't that be awesome?? :)

  2. Hey now! I didn't know HE WAS MARRIED EVER (in my defense). I also didn't know Ryan was a psycho, stalker, alcoholic (and mean drunk dialer at that), or a plumber. What I did know was that he was 1) short, 2) duck caller, and 3) a body builder. So I say that I get an E for EFFORT! I think the traits I knew previously are pretty darn good (don't judge the duck callers!).

    PS- I laughed at the post title even before I started reading. Thanks for your blog-venting!! :)

  3. HAHAHAHA! I am so sorry, but you are cracking me up cousin! It sounds like you had a really NEAT time with all of those really special (and I mean like don't eat the paste kind of special) guys! Looking forward to seeing you soon!!

  4. okay you are KILLING ME! :) hahaha so glad I found your blog!!! p.s. if you are making that dinner tonight i forgot to tell you to shred the chicken up after you mix it all together! :)